Sometimes posts about gender inequality make me feel like I’m obliged as a member of the female sex to say something too, I guess to kind of counteract what’s being said or just to share my experiences which are fairly different to the ones I keep reading about. The particular post that has set me off on this rant claimed that the only way that “might actually stop” a male who is perusing you romantically/sexually is to tell him that you “have a boyfriend,” because he “respects another man more” than your “actual opinion/lack of interest”
hi ho away I go
I come from a household with two other woman who have both gone through experiences that have lead to them oversimplifying and segregating the genders to an alarming extent, just as the person in this post has done, and I completely understand the reason why they and other people have different views from me. It is because everyone’s personal experiences are different, and maybe mine have shaped my opinion in a different way to theirs, and maybe to yours, but I’d like to say some things anyway because I just want to get it off my chest, and maybe along the way I might be able to show that some of the broad generalized statements made here are not always accurate in 100% of situations.
First of all, I am sure that every person reading this has had an experience where they haven’t felt completely safe, have felt violated, or have felt encroached upon by a man or a woman- (Uhh I just wanted to add here that I’m talking about turning somebody down- in the way that was stated in the post that set me off here, not serious cases of assault just turning somebody down.) I have plenty of friends, both male and female that I know have experienced something like this from a member of the opposite, or same sex, however the thing that I personally found the most difficult to deal with was my interactions with other girls, not guys, who were trying to make a move on me.
There’s been a few instances where I’ve received unwelcomed advances from males- and every time it has been ridiculously easy to show them I’m uninterested and to get them to stop. Maybe it was just luck, or having more male friends than female and observing them trying to pick up girls and seeing them succeed or fail- or just the people I was dealing with at the time- But it seems like you just need to make yourself really clear and he will get the message. Saying “No” works, sure it might hurt his pride but when it comes to your safety hurt pride is nothing compared to what could happen.
With girls it’s not that simple. It doesn’t seem like we generally go after a one off one night stand thing- and even when we are we’re very selective of who we choose because for us sexually that’s generally something that makes a large impact on whether we enjoy ourselves or not- or we don’t choose at all and enjoy the attention we receive from multiple courters.
I’ve kind of found that knowing all of this makes it really difficult to turn down another girl. Like from what I’ve seen girls generally are kind of touchy feely when they’re just friends and sometimes even after knowing each other for only a few minutes. You’ve already got this kind of relationship in which they get close to you- but where does the line stand? When is it okay to say no? I just have generally end up feeling uncomfortable but not knowing whether I’m allowed to say no without giving them the impression that I think they’re interested in me and then making myself look out of place or like a person that doesn’t fit in. And instead of saying no I end up being unresponsive and not hugging back but it doesn’t stop them it makes it worse. It’s like girls just go after what they can’t have and in trying to show that you feel uncomfortable you end up making yourself the subject of jokes about you not wanting to be touched and eventually even more attention than you were receiving before. And unlike in friendships between male and females it seems like in girl and girl friendships it’s easily labelled as platonic attention and most partners wont get jealous or care (heck some partners even encourage it which I wont ever understand) because it’s seen as normal.
On the other hand, with my male friends, as soon as one even gets near my boundaries I’m like woah what the fuck are you doing stEP OFF and that’s the end of it. No arguments and no crying, thank christ how easy was that.
Also back to the issue of “the boyfriend excuse,” I’ve found that guys generally completely respect that, but It kind of seems like saying your taken hardly even phases a lot of girls.
Once again this is purely based off my experiences and I know that things are different for everyone which is precisely why I just wrote all of this out to show that you know, you can’t generalise anything every human being is different no matter what their fucking gender is
and that is the end of my rant gOODBYE